Social Networking Will Be The Death Of Me… by Nancy Brophy

Facebook has peaked. I know this because I’m on it.

I never lead a trend, so by the time I get to where all the cool kids are, they’ve moved on. And it’s months before I figure out the next ‘be there or be square’ place. And look what Facebook has become – the dreaded Christmas letter in sound bites.

As I can tell there are several categories of postings:

Humor and wit is big and it doesn’t even have to be your own humor and wit. You can repost another’s cleverness.

What did I do today worthy of praise? I have never posted something negative. Johnny didn’t get into Harvard? You’ll never hear it from me. I’m a socially aware American – I know spin. My post would be in praise of Johnny’s newly found interest in third world counties. I might neglect to mention that Johnny moved to Kuala Lumpur to attend night school or Bogota, Columbia to investigate agriculture.

And then there are photographs – of food, friends, family, children, dogs, and locations. I follow several of my own family members. It’s how I know what is happening in their lives because they may not be able to call, write or email but they do find the time to post.

I’ve always felt Christmas letters were a form of one-upmanship.

Here are all the good things that happened to me and mine this year.

Hope your year was as glorious.

Well, yeah. Of course, it was.

Uncle Walt got fired for drinking on the job. For years he’d been talking about quitting. This has given him the time and opportunity to investigate activities he’s dreamed about. He and Aunt Heloise lost their home in foreclosure after he couldn’t make the payments. The move finally cleaned out the basement, which had been a fire hazard for years. Lo and behold the largest collection of child porn west of the Mississippi was unearthed in the process. He moved to a Federal Correction Facility while he waits for trial. In the meantime Aunt Heloise has taken up any slack in the drinking department and moved in with us. I am pregnant with Number Nine. Kind of a cute name, don’t you think? We’re just one big happy family.

With enough spin I could get two months out of that factual minefield and I guarantee that you’d never connect the facts with the posts.

Facebook is the world’s biggest time suck. I read though hundreds of “friends” whom I might know, or don’t know, but admire or for some unknown reason, I’ve stumbled into following. Ask me about their vacations, what they had for breakfast, or what cute thing their dog did. How is this relevant in my life?

There is, of course, a simple solution. No one is holding a gun to my head saying Facebook or die. But it is addictive. And when others “like” me, I react like I been given the Pulitzer. Whoo Hoo.

But if you are self-published, the one rule of thumb is social networking. If you follow me on twitter, I’m the one with the world’s stupidest tweets. I, honest to God, can’t think of anything to say in 140 characters. To give you an example on Martin Luther King day, I tweeted. “MLK day. It’s time to remember your dream.” Really? Your day would have been incomplete without this knowledge?

We live in a revolving world. New, doesn’t make it better, but I do wish somebody in a dorm room somewhere would invent something I actually want to use. I don’t like all my personal information online. I once attended a party where, when asked about my career, I answered, “fireman”. Sometimes it’s fun being someone other than who you are.

Firemen everywhere disavow all knowledge of me.

I needed a cheap thrill and figured you did, too

Posted on February 16, 2012, in General and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Nancy, some months are better than others when it comes to online social networking. You just gotta chuck it sometimes when the e-Gods aren’t smiling on you… and when they are, blast away. PS- nice firemen!


  2. Ooo. Firemen. I like firemen! LOL!


  3. LOL! Oh so true! I couldn’t get away with telling people at a party I was a fireman. They – the fire department – would never me drive the truck. I’m sure my reputation for backing into things and wrapping moving vehicles around the corners of buildings would precede me 😀


  4. Haha love this – so true about the Christmas letters!


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