Some Days… by Susan Lute

You know how some days you start out with a list of things to do as long as your arm…and you have an hour to get the list done? Today is one of those days. Well the last two weeks have been one of those days. So you pick the most urgent item and you work it until it’s done, and then you move to the next thing. Here’s me moving to the next thing.

Good morning SJP readers. Have your tea or coffee at your elbow? Good. I’ll get mine when I’ve penned the last word, and loaded this post to the blog.

The life of a writer takes some interesting turns. It’s an election year, so there’s that whole thing going on. Family, for good or ill, is a big part of my life anyway. They demand a lot of care and attention (not a bad thing). And then there’s the day job too, right? Pile on top of that the writing and you have a swilling cauldron of magic that is my journey.

Yesterday we held a reception at the house for the middle child. He and his bride have been married six weeks. So far they seem to be enjoying the ride. “The Crew” worked through the night , hanging the last piece of ceiling drywall at 9am yesterday morning. Decorating was finished as the first guest walked in the door. Guests included a couple who’s been married forty years, another four, one couple planning to get married – no date set yet. One lovely man’s wife just left after ten years. And of course the bride and groom attended. In the area of love and marriage, readers, everyone has their own tale to tell, their own journey to take. Why do some marriages work, and others don’t? Why does loving another person seem so easy for some, and yet a landmine for others?

These questions would be why I write romances, and why the sale of romances outstrip every other genre. We’re all looking for answers…and the one person who will complete our lives.

Words written this week? Too few to mention.

Books read? Nada. I did look with longing at the titles on Darla’s list, but truth is, the to-be-read pile on my Kindle is getting to be as ‘tall’ as the print books on my books shelf.

Clean up done from the reception? Heck no.

Due back at the day job? In twenty-one minutes.

Why do some marriages work and others don’t?

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About Susan

Author, wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, dreamer.

Posted on October 29, 2012, in General and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. I think people embark on marriage now nowing that society allows them an out if they want it. Our perspective has changed dramatically in the last fifty years or so. My parents married knowing their marriage would last forever – it did. My daughters’ generation divorce at the drop of a hat – they did. My generation? Well, we may get round to it, after a lot of thought.

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    • It is interesting how each generation looks at these things differently. I don’t think a couple should stay in a marriage that is unhealthy, but neither do I think divorce should be the first go to solution.

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  2. Maybe there’s no general rule? Success or failure are broad brush strokes for realities that are unique to each marriage? That’s why writers like you need to keep on writing books…to pile up individual tales so that we ultimately may have a mosaic of understanding. Congratulations to your son!

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    • Thanks, Jenny. As someone raised with all kinds of rules, I’d love to believe good marriages are a result of a couple making their own rules. Instead I keep looking for the yellow brick road, lol. I’ve been married long enough, I should know better.

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  3. I think there are a hundred different answers to your question–ranging from one’s tolerance for change to the unique dynamic of who gives in the most. There are many marriages that last that aren’t necessarily “healthy” in that one person does all the taking and another all the giving. But, for whatever reason, it works for that couple.

    For me, the key to a long-lasting and healthy marriage is based on three things: 1) Knowledge of yourself, your needs, and your wants in a relationship. This is a lot harder than it sounds. I know I couldn’t articulate this until well into my 40’s; 2) The ability to communicate those wants and needs to your partner in a way that takes responsibility for them. Again, not as easy as it sounds because of all the dynamics around wanting to please the other person and second guessing your partner’s reaction to whatever you say; and 3) The ability to pick and choose your battles, while not letting your losses build a mountain of grudges or a need for retribution in your heart.

    All healthy marriages have battles. Some are quiet battles based in whispers and body language. Others are loud battles with screams and stomps and slamming doors. Most are somewhere in between those extremes. Whichever way a couple battles, the key is coming to a resolution both can live with and then moving forward without harboring the I-gave-in-this-time-so-next-time-he-must-give-in mindset. If you harbor that mindset, then it wasn’t a resolution you could live with. If you acquiese to your partner but tell your family or friends you gave in only to keep the peace, then it wasn’t a resolution you could live with. Too many of these and one or both of you will be looking.

    As every marriage counselor, pastor, or couple celebrating their 50th+ anniversary will tell you. It’s hard work. Every day you must find ways to show how much you love your partner. And every day you must find ways to live with those things in your partner that drive you crazy. The balance of that is what makes a marriage work.

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