The Police Report Says the Cow Made her Do It!

Moo Cow Creamer Part 4 Story: The Police Report Says the Cow Made her Do It!

Disclaimer: A perk to writing this little snippet of a story is that you can turn your friend into a New York Times Best Selling Author and it will also cost her a little breaking and entering amongst friends….


“What do you think you are doing?”

Jessie Smith was busted. Not that she was a career criminal to begin with. In fact, she could barely bring herself to jaywalk on empty streets but for some eggnog-laced reason, she couldn’t resist the urge to sneak a peek into the bedroom of a best-selling romance author C. Morgan Kennedy while on route to use the bathroom.

Of course she would get caught committing her first offense. Her only hope was that her writing buddy, Mary Oldham, drank more rum than nog and could be convinced not to trust her own judgment.

“The door is cracked. It’s like she wants people to look.” Jessie exaggerated the word wants as a justification. She actually considered herself a much better guest than this.  But it’s not every day that a girl gets invited to a White Elephant party in the home of a romance author, known for some sizzling love stories. Inspiration and blushed experiences surely lay behind this door and curiosity got the better of this mild-mannered citizen.

Mary shook her head. “And most party hosts worry about peeks inside their medicine cabinets.”

“Nancy would understand.” Nancy Brophy, a mutual friend, ran a successful catering business before launching her writing career.  “People check out her kitchen all the time. They certainly judge her salt and pepper shakers. It’s the same thing.” Her conviction wavered with each sentence.

“Can you imagine if she actually caught you?” Mary crossed her arms over her chest.

Feeling the guilt without actually committing the crime, Jessie shoved the door open completely and was instantly hit with a wave of disappointment. “I suspect she was aware this might happen.”

Both looked inside. There was nothing strange about the room, except the row of teddy bears sitting on her bed, aiming water guns towards the intruders. One large bear, with a rhinestone eye patch, propped up a sign that read, Wave Hi to the Nanny Cam.

Mary jumped back, out of the bear’s view. “What did you actually expect?” she whispered.

Jessie stilled and shrugged her shoulders. “Mirrored ceilings and a disco ball.”

Mary muffled her laughter. “Let’s get back to the party.”

“Give me a minute.” Jessie adjusted a large object inside her purse that was poking the side of her stomach.

“What’s that?”

“I got your white elephant thing.” Jessie yanked it from her purse. “That moo cow creamer.”

“Ergh. My ex had one just like this.” Mary took a step backwards. “That ass and this heifer are not coming back to my house.” She pointed at the cow and then moved her finger from left to right repeatedly.

“Just hold it for a second.” Jessie shoved the creamer in her direction and felt a huge static electric shock when Mary’s hand made contact to push it back.

The cow dropped to the floor as the friends shook the sting from their hands. “Did you feel that?”

“Yeah. I swear that damn thing is cursed.”

“I’ll go with that.” Jessie gingerly went down on her knee to pick up the creamer that bounced under the hallway side table.

“Really? Because you like to write paranormal stories?”

“No. I’d rather say the cursed cow made me open her bedroom door rather than have Morgan question her choice in friendships.” She reached under the table and pulled out the cow. Even though it dropped on carpet, Jessie felt a small crack.  “Oh.” Jessie stood up and showed Mary the damage.

“Still not taking it from you.”  Mary rolled her eyes.

Jessie walked into the bathroom and turned the water on at to the sink. The liquid poured from the top and also exited through the stomach, “Exactly what it needed, an extra udder.”

Mary pointed to the trash can. “Ditch it.”

“No. I can paint it green.” She tipped the creamer upside down to remove all the excess water. “Tell people the cow suffered from Alien Experimentation.”

“Ha…”Mary was well-versed with Jessie’s jokes, “…ha.”

“I could start an Etsy line of exotic creamers.” Jessie used the bathroom’s monogrammed towel to dry the curious object.

“Save the drama for your novel.” Mary turned off the bathroom lights as they started to return to the party.

“Well, I’m definitely going to rinse it out with holy water to see if steam shoots out its ears.”

“Good luck with that.” Mary yawned.

“With what?” Morgan approached them from around the hallway counter.

Guilty looks were exchanged. “Just admiring my white elephant.”

“Oh, did you get that from Gina?” Morgan put her hands up defensively. “Maybe you should talk to her before you take that thing home?”

“Why?”  said both women. If their friend Gina Fluharty was involved, there is manure and a fan somewhere nearby.

“That’s really her story.” Morgan said sheepishly about a cow.

“I knew there was something wrong with it.” Mary became indignant.

“Yeah, and then you gave it to me.” Jessie quickly ducked inside Morgan’s room and came out holding a water gun semi-intentionally aimed at the cow.

Morgan raised her voice. “You looked inside my bedroom.”

“I’m dealing with evil cow issues.” She shook the gun and cow in the air. “Unless you want to take this?”

There was a long pause until Mary laughed and walked away mumbling something about going to find Gina.

Morgan closed the distance between them, “I’ll get the front door for you.”


About Jessie Smith

Health Care Worker by Day, Aspiring Author by Night and 24/7 Staff for Riley (Corgie/Tibetan Spaniel Mix)

Posted on December 12, 2013, in Auth: Jessie Smith and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. This story cracks me up. Loved it and enjoyed the taboo subject of snooping guests.


  2. I’ve always known romance writers are trouble 😉


  3. I think Morgan is protesting a little too hard about the disco ball…


  4. Love the idea of readers judging romance writers’ bedrooms the way a chef’s kitchen gets evaluated. 🙂
    Also, nice way of incorporating the other girls in your story. And I too want to know if Morgan has teddy bears on her bed, with or without water guns and nanny cams.


    • Thanks Asa! I’m very grateful that my friends let me put them in my story 🙂


    • I have two sock monkeys and a new, hand made teddy bear I just bought. The bear is made out of a recycled, mohair sweater. I bought it at an elementary school Christmas bizarre – I know, ‘how very Oregonian of me.’ No rhinestone covered eye patches, disco balls, mirroed ceilings, water guns, or nanny cams. But now I have some new ideas for decorating, though. 😀 Hmmmm…..

      Jessie – thanks for making me a best seller!!! Muah!


  5. You were having way too much fun with this one, Jessie. 🙂 So, busybodies want to know if Morgan really keeps teddy bears with guns on her bed. I have no doubt that you shared that moo cow creamer with your closest alien friends and they did experiments. The question is does the next person who gets it end up in a spaceship?


    • Hi Maggie – I have to admit, I had a blast writing this post 🙂
      I have had the pleasure of being over to Morgan’s home, which is full of amazing stuff, no water guns in sight 🙂


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