Deep Thoughts on Cinder’s Fella…

I started keeping diaries at the age of ten.  Through my brief marriage, I had a diary that I later called:  The Book of Hate.  I based my first manuscript, The Voice of Reason on that little diary.  The story is about a woman who kills her abusive marriage counselor ex-husband and gets away with it.  Then, of course, she finds true love with an abundantly generous and kind hero.

Feeling that The Book of Hate was a rather negative experience, I decided to start a positive diary filled with snippets of advice and character traits that would be found in a true hero.  I’ve dated on and off for almost 24 years.  Each time I date Mr. Not Right or as I like to call him, some unworthy rube, I write things in the book for future reference.  And, if I like the guy and we date for a while, I also make note of his positive characteristics. Ten years later, I have over 400 snippets of advice for myself.  What surprised me the most was that over the years, as the numbers grew, so did the depth of feeling.

So today, I’ve cracked open my little red diary to share my thoughts on what makes a great hero.

Here are some of my favorites, if not the most memorable snippets…

3.   He knows instinctively when to call me.

(And if he doesn’t call for a week, he hasn’t been kidnapped by aliens; he’s just not that into you… Dump his ass!)

11.  He wears deodorant.

(So what if he made six figures, is gorgeous and ‘hates’ deodorant?  He stunk and there isn’t enough cologne in the world to mask natural musk.)

13.  He’s a dog man, but he understands and respects cats.

(If he hates cats, he’ll never really understand a woman.)

18.  I don’t have to wonder what he is up to when he isn’t with me.

 (However, approaching the other girl the jerk was dating and setting up a sting to trap him was highly satisfying.  That shit you do at 25.  Lesson learned.) 

24.  He looks at the tires on my car to make sure they are okay.

(Buying me a tire gauge for Christmas so I could do it myself is not okay.)

 37.  He will kill spiders for me as if he is a knight slaying a dragon.

57.  He never gets physical when he is angry.

(Because it made me want to buy a gun and no dude is worth prison time.)

63.  He worries about how to become a better person to the point he just is a better person for wondering.

(Insecurity is kind of sexy on a man.)

92.  If he is stupid enough to break up with you and then begs you to get back together, say NO.

(To quote Sade, “It is never as good as the first time.” Learn it, know it, live it!)

111.  My pleasure is his joy.

(It is important to him that I’m happy in all things… nuff said!)

 122.  He doesn’t talk about his hot coworkers.

143.  He wears a wedding ring to let the world know he belongs to me.

(And he really doesn’t like me to be without mine.)

153.  He would be there with me through any disease, trauma or emergency I might have.

(I wrote this one in 2008.  I watched my dad be there for my mom through pancreatic cancer after 55 years of marriage in 2012.  I saw the pain, I witnessed the love.)

275.  I would never have to mold myself into the person he wants me to be.  He likes me just the way I am.

(Note to self:  Otherwise he is a controlling jerk.)

283.  He says, “Bless you….” after I sneeze.

(And I’m not even religious, but I like the sentiment.)  

 291.  When I meet him, the past won’t be so painful.  It will make sense and I will say, “It was so worth all that to meet HIM.”

382.  He holds my hand during takeoffs and landings.

400.  He makes me laugh.

(This must be important because I repeat it three times!)


What snippets would you like to add to the list?


Posted on June 9, 2014, in General and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. Still laughing at Asa’s comment. Want to add to Maggie’s. Surprise keeps romance alive, but never being bored is just as important. Nice job on the list.


  2. Jessie Smith

    This is a GREAT List. Thanks for sharing Mary.

    I wish I had something sufficient to add… I need to raise my standards 🙂


  3. I agree great list! I give you huge credit for still having hope, and for waiting for the right one.

    Outside of the all encompassing “He worships the ground I walk on” I would add one that is a little more measurable, “He surprises me (in a good way).” It doesn’t have to be gifts but little things on a random basis. Here are some things my DH has done this past year that surprised me. Suggesting we go out to eat when he knows I just need to talk–instead of me begging; writing music to one of my poems and giving me lyric credit; getting tickets for a girly musical even though it’s not his thing–and even enjoying himself while there; saying “I love you” at unexpected times.


    • Maggie, I still have hope because I write romance novels!!! LOL. Although some days it isn’t as easy as others. I actually have: “He surprises me in a good way!!!” on my list in my little red book. It is a really great one! I also like the surprise “I love you”.


  4. Love #13…if he hates cats, he’ll never really understand a woman.
    My additional snippet….Knows I’m strong and capable, but still lets me wear his coat if the weather suddenly turns chilly.


  5. “no dude is worth prison time”

    Words to live by! I love this list.

    My list would include: When I start an argument, he knows when to argue back and when to just give me a hug and tell me it’s all going to be okay.


  6. > he just is a better person for wondering.

    Ooh, this is something we could all do!

    Love this list. I’m sorry you had to go through some rough patches to get it, but what great research!


    • Jessa, I guess it just illustrates that I continue to be a hopeless romantic!! Thank you for the kind words and the share on FB!


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