Riley’s Review: Dogtripping: 25 Rescues, 11 Volunteers, And 3 RVs On Our Canine Cross-Country Adventure by David Rosenfelt

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David and his wife took their animals on a road trip to reach a better destination, a place that would have more room for their ever expanding herd of rescued animals.  There are two things I would like to highlight in that sentence. Road Trip and Destination. I live for those two things.

There is nothing I enjoy more that sticking my head out of a moving car to have the wind blow in my face. That feeling is almost as good as greenies.

I also love going on vacations. My favorite destination is the Oregon Coast. When I can be the only dog on the beach, I have time to reflect on my life. I’m so happy that I will almost let my mother pet me.

I feel like David and my mother could be friends. David has turned his love for Golden Retrievers into a successful writing career and created a dog rescue organization with his wife. My mother created this blog series for me. I got the short stick.

But I recently had an eye injury and my mother made me a bunch of promises I intend to make her keep because my eyes are now wide open. She will take me back to the beach. She will do it soon. Or else.

Out of pity for the 25 rescues who got the destination of Maine instead of the Oregon Coast, I will reward their father with 5 greenies:

greenie greenie greenie greenie greenie

birthdaybanner

I’m Riley. In pleasant company, my mother refers to me as feisty and independent. In closer circles, there is talk about a Napoleon complex. A select few have called me by my spirit animal, Cujo. But at the end of all her stories, she concludes that she loves her grumpy old man, which is me. I’m a mix of many magnificent species includes Tibetan Spaniel, Corgi and Pomeranian. My mom says that I’m about 11 years old, which is an ironic lie. She has created this space to celebrate her actual 40th birthday but she refuses to admit that I’m probably about 13 years old. I recently had a horrible eye injury which reminded her that I’m the greatest thing that has ever happened to her and she rewarded me with 24/7 greenies. Thus, we have decided to celebrate me (and her 40th birthday) but creating a month long blog series, called Riley’s Reviews as a fundraiser to help my fellow creatures while they are waiting for their personal staff (aka forever homes). But we all know in our hearts that we are doing this so I can get a stage to become a very big deal within a small group of people.

How this will work: My mom is a sucker for stories with animals on the covers so I will post reviews about some of her favorite books by sharing some doggie perspectives to enlighten readers. You are welcome to just visit this blog to adore me and enjoy my canine commentary. Or if you are so inclined, you can celebrate Jessie’s 40th Birthday, by making a donation to one of these wonderful organizations:

Please come back during the month of September to find out what other books I have strong opinions about because I am strong and I am opinionated.

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Riley’s Review: Stay by Allie Larkin

RileysReviews

stay

Stay is marketed as a cozy love story and a cute dog. Don’t fall for it.

Reading this story almost gave my mother a PTSD episode as it reminded her of all the craziness of our first few months together. She was able to bury these memories because everything eventually worked out and now I’m just a grumpy old man who doesn’t even bother to bark at the mailman anymore. So I loved this book because it reminded me of my first few months here when I became King of the Castle after defeating the Night’s Watch and overthrowing her two cats. Unlike Joe, my mother was completely sober when she adopted me from a group that they told her that I was housebroken and got along with cats. They lied.

But they aren’t the only liars around here. See that cute dog on the cover? When the dog, Joe, is introduced in the story, they say he’s about 90 pounds. Does that dog on the cover look 90 pounds? This is such false advertisement. My mother tried to explain that authors don’t have much say over the book covers and it’s all about marketing. I must not be the only one who complained because later versions of the book cover have a size appropriate dog.

stay2.jpg

That’s not my only complaint. Joe cost $6,000. Was his collar made out of gold? With $6,000 you could sponsor the adoption fees for every single dog at the Wigglin’ Home Boxer Rescue and still have enough money left over for a lifetime of greenies. Buy rescues. We are worth it.

If Stay is the one word that sums up Savannah and Joe’s life together, then the word for my mother and I is Go. As in go away, go get me another greenie, and go get me another dog book to review.

For bringing back such happy memories of when I first moved in and took over my mother’s life, this book earns the full 5 greenies:

greeniegreeniegreeniegreeniegreenie

birthdaybanner

I’m Riley. In pleasant company, my mother refers to me as feisty and independent. In closer circles, there is talk about a Napoleon complex. A select few have called me by my spirit animal, Cujo. But at the end of all her stories, she concludes that she loves her grumpy old man, which is me. I’m a mix of many magnificent species includes Tibetan Spaniel, Corgi and Pomeranian. My mom says that I’m about 11 years old, which is an ironic lie. She has created this space to celebrate her actual 40th birthday but she refuses to admit that I’m probably about 13 years old. I recently had a horrible eye injury which reminded her that I’m the greatest thing that has ever happened to her and she rewarded me with 24/7 greenies. Thus, we have decided to celebrate me (and her 40th birthday) but creating a month long blog series, called Riley’s Reviews as a fundraiser to help my fellow creatures while they are waiting for their personal staff (aka forever homes). But we all know in our hearts that we are doing this so I can get a stage to become a very big deal within a small group of people.

How this will work: My mom is a sucker for stories with animals on the covers so I will post reviews about some of her favorite books by sharing some doggie perspectives to enlighten readers. You are welcome to just visit this blog to adore me and enjoy my canine commentary. Or if you are so inclined, you can celebrate Jessie’s 40th Birthday, by making a donation to one of these wonderful organizations:

Please come back during the month of September to find out what other books I have strong opinions about because I am strong and I am opinionated.

Riley’s Review: The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

RileysReviews

hunger games

I know that the Mockingjay on the cover of this book isn’t a real animal but I make the rules around here and I want to talk about the Hunger Games.

Actually, I want to talk about futuristic novels in general. Why is it that authors can create stories with amazing world-building techniques that make readers fear their futures but they always forget the animals that make life worth living for human beings? Is there an invisible 6 faction in the Divergent series for animals? Why is the closest thing to a dog reaching the USS Enterprise a tribble? And why does there appear to just be one cat in the entire District 12 of the Hunger Games? We all secretly know the answer and just don’t want to talk about it. I will say it. People in District 12 look really hungry. I think they ate them.

Too morbid for you? Then you explain our absence… didn’t think so.

We deserve serious restitution. Not that I want animals to have to pay tribute to these sick twisted games but it would have been nice to have received an invitation to the party. And please don’t try to defend these books by mentioning the wolf mutts. Those creatures don’t count. If they don’t respond to greenies, they’re not the type of animals I’m advocating for in this series.

There is one single cat but Buttercup is no ordinary feline. She hasn’t bathed in ages and she enforces a strict no touching policy with Katniss. I feel like she could best me in the tribute games and that hurts my self-esteem.

Because Katniss and I have the same general opinion of cats, I give this book the full 5 greenie ratings:

greenie  greenie greenie greenie greenie

birthdaybanner

If you wish to celebrate Jessie’s 40th Birthday, you have two wonderful options:

Please come back during the month of September to find out what other books I have strong opinions about because I am strong and I am opinionated.

Riley’s Review: Curse of the Spider Woman by Linda Mercury

RileysReviews

spider

I love Linda Mercury. I have been to her house three times to enjoy her air conditioning on really hot days and I will swear on a bible that I have never seen a spider in her home. I have no idea why she picked a spider for this story. They creep me out. I always make my mother take care of them for me. I want Linda to go back to writing about vampires because they attack at night and I’ll be sleeping. My mother says that my breath could kill a vampire and I want to test that theory out.

Linda’s books can be described as Naughty and Bad but not in the tone my mother says to me when I pee in the house. She says I’m too young to read her books and I have to wait until I’m older. I tried to remind her that, in dog years, I’m a 77 year old man. It’s the curse of my adorable face. So when she goes to bed, I’m going to read this book, under a blanket, with a flashlight. Wish me luck!

I’m awarding the full 5 greenies to this book for rewarding my bad behaviors.

greenie greenie greenie greenie greenie

birthdaybanner

I’m Riley. In pleasant company, my mother refers to me as feisty and independent. In closer circles, there is talk about a Napoleon complex. A select few have called me by my spirit animal, Cujo. But at the end of all her stories, she concludes that she loves her grumpy old man, which is me. I’m a mix of many magnificent species includes Tibetan Spaniel, Corgi and Pomeranian. My mom says that I’m about 11 years old, which is an ironic lie. She has created this space to celebrate her actual 40th birthday but she refuses to admit that I’m probably about 13 years old. I recently had a horrible eye injury which reminded her that I’m the greatest thing that has ever happened to her and she rewarded me with 24/7 greenies. Thus, we have decided to celebrate me (and her 40th birthday) but creating a month long blog series, called Riley’s Reviews as a fundraiser to help my fellow creatures while they are waiting for their personal staff (aka forever homes). But we all know in our hearts that we are doing this so I can get a stage to become a very big deal within a small group of people.

How this will work: My mom is a sucker for stories with animals on the covers so I will post reviews about some of her favorite books by sharing some doggie perspectives to enlighten readers. You are welcome to just visit this blog to adore me and enjoy my canine commentary. Or if you are so inclined, you can celebrate Jessie’s 40th Birthday, by making a donation to one of these wonderful organizations:

Please come back during the month of September to find out what other books I have strong opinions about because I am strong and I am opinionated.


Bonus Material

Riley recently made a trip to Wigglin’ Home Boxer Rescue where he was able to talk dog-to-dog with their animals. Their descriptions are good but sometimes they just need to vent to one of their own and Riley is more than happy to reveal their secrets.

rufus

Rufus has the heart of champion. He has battled social injustice, nutty squirrels and pack of Orcs to find his way to the Wigglin’ Home Boxer Rescue, in the hopes that he can come home with you. Once he settles in, just imagine the wild, adventurous stories he will share with your family.

Then I will need to borrow Rufus for an afternoon. Just look at him! With Rufus as my co-pilot, I can finally have an afternoon walk without being bothered by outdoor cats. Wait. Cancel that. I just heard my mother say that we would be adorable as Rocket and Groot for Halloween. I am not a raccoon. But I think you just imagined this big lovable Rufus gruffing out the word Groot. Busted!

Riley’s Review: Let’s Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir by Jenny Lawson

RileysReviews

pretend

Jenny Lawson is the Queen of turning her embarrassing moments and awkward past into comedy gold. Look at that book cover. You think it’s just a funny title and image until you read her book and find out that is something she actually owns! Who does that? Jenny does.

I have selected this book because I need to talk to everyone about a very delicate topic. My afterlife. It’s no secret that I enforce a very strict NO TOUCHING policy. I look cute but only admire me from a distance. This book introduced my mother to a potential loophole called taxidermy. It’s apparently an actual thing that mothers can taxidermy their pets and place them in their living rooms next to their lamps. Then my mother could pet me anytime she wants and she thinks that there is nothing I could do about it. Yes, there is. I want to be very clear, I will HAUNT HER if she keeps me around like a stuffed teddy bear. Please consider this to be a public announcement to my mother’s friends and family. Stop her.

I don’t mean to be morbid because I plan to outlive her. This book is actually hysterical. Jenny has an interesting father who used to bring home stray exotic animals which led to unfortunate situations like a duck attack or the time she ran into the insides of an animal carcass. According to my mother, the worst thing my grandpa does is feed me hot dogs. This book gave her a lot of perspective.

For helping to relax the no hot dog rule (now it’s on rare occasion, when I need help taking my medicine), I give this book the full 5 greenies.

greeniegreeniegreeniegreeniegreenie

 

 

birthdaybanner

If you wish to celebrate Jessie’s 40th Birthday, you have two wonderful options:

Please come back during the month of September to find out what other books I have strong opinions about because I am strong and I am opinionated.


Bonus Material

Riley recently made a trip to Wigglin’ Home Boxer Rescue where he was able to talk dog-to-dog with their animals. Their descriptions are good but sometimes they just need to vent to one of their own and Riley is more than happy to reveal their secrets.

Thor

Thor is a vibrant young boy whose big dream is to become a youtube sensation. He has the precious looks, big heart, and great personality; he just needs you to help him become a star.

Need more? Thor has ambition in life. He almost has a Hollywood agent. He even has the name to help him become an extra on the next Chris Hemsworth movie. But California was too crowded so now he’s gambling on youtube to go viral. If you own a smartphone with a camera, Thor is ready to join your family.

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